Presenting the 2014 Royal Christmas Cake

Royal Christmas Cake

I would like to present the 2014 Royal Christmas Cake. While it is true that I mock this culinary relic of the British empire, some people feel the need for nostalgia and a sugar lift at this time of year. If so, please indulge.

For those who can’t find a Waitrose or Harrod’s nearby, you may find the recipe for this dessert heavyweight by CLICKING HERE. If you are considering baking it now, FORGET IT!: You need to start after Halloween. Perhaps, you could ask Mrs. Padmore to cook it for you next year.

Royal Christmas Cake 2014

As Anglophiles and wannabe pastry chefs are aware, preparation for the Royal Christmas Cake begins on Guy Fawkes Day.   Once they have burnt the effigy of “the Guido,” the Brits do their level best to set back culinary artistry several decades with the “Royal Christmas Cake.”   I have written often about this British assault on the palate, but sadly my wife doesn’t agree.  As a minor concession, she has agreed to soak the currants in whiskey rather than my fine brandy, but now that the marzipan has been hand-delivered by a recent courier from London this exercise in culinary futility is in full-flow.

funny-picture-piss-off-piece-of-cake

Now, I don’t plan to bite the hand that feeds me, but I do intend to read what appears to be a fascinating book that was brought to my attention recently by Lord Cheseline of Maiden Lot: The Men Who Lost America, written by Andrew Jackson O’Shaughnessy. Sadly, I missed his talk in Chestertown, Maryland, but like most “folks” today, I relish true stories of gross incompetence rather than inspired leadership. Found below is an excerpt from The Men Who Lost America:

menlostamerica

The loss of America was a stunning and unexpected defeat for the powerful British Empire. Common wisdom has held that incompetent military commanders and political leaders in Britain must have been to blame, but were they? This intriguing book makes a different argument. Weaving together the personal stories of ten prominent men who directed the British dimension of the war, historian Andrew O’Shaughnessy dispels the incompetence myth and uncovers the real reasons that rebellious colonials were able to achieve their surprising victory.

 

While I will no doubt be reading O’Shaughnessy’s ode to failure this Christmas while others wax poetic about the virtues of the Royal Christmas cake, I do hope that parents will avoid feeding this sugar-laden creation to young children before their naps. It is wise to avoid sugar highs!

Royal Christmas Cake News Alert

NEWS ALERT

For those with a Royal palate, I am pleased to report that the marzipan (flown in by special courier from the “Old Country” where such ludicrous traditions are still revered) has been applied to the Royal Christmas Cake.  We now allow nature to take its course and let it harden for four days before the “royal” icing is applied.  (See Waitrose video above).

Rule Britannia!