After much anticipation and angst, Thanksgiving is now over. Even Pit Bull Nora (aka “Psycho”) enjoyed herself as 20 relatives from Texas and Tennessee joined us in Greenwich to celebrate a wonderful Thanksgiving. Pit Bull Nora was unusually calm amidst all of the commotion, which I ascribe to the fact that she no longer feels so alone after seeing so many fellow inmates from the asylum.
My only complaint was that there wasn’t enough food.
One of the big highlights was an early-morning trip to the Macy’s Day Thanksgiving Day Parade. Dan’s office is located near Macy’s at the end of the parade route and both kids and adults thoroughly enjoyed themselves. I had expected that some of the “adults” would stick around to serve as sous chefs to the Frump Sisters, but shepherding wild kids around the blocked streets of New York City seemed to be a far more appealing choice. (Editor’s Note: Good call!)
Fortunately, the weather was wonderful (the warmest and driest that I can recall in 25 years). As such, the kids managed to spend most of their time in the backyard playing football and riding the swings.
This provided the adults with plenty of time to engage in online shopping and tell bold lies which are rude to contradict over Thanksgiving, because even learning-impaired relatives from the south are entitled to their day in the sun.
As requested, we served Leslie’s Betty Crocker “pink salad” and Langston’s Green Bean Casserole. For those unfamiliar with the “green bean casserole,” it consists of canned green beans and Campbell’s mushroom soup with fried onion rings on top. (Editor’s Note: I didn’t realize that grown people still eat this factory-processed garbage, but apparently 60% of Louisiana families will serve this casserole on Thanksgiving Day. Go figure!) Even “bad” nostalgia has a difficult time maturing into a better palate.
Always one to try and elevate the culinary knowledge of my relatives (no matter how difficult), I served a bottle of 1975 vintage port that has been kindly stored by Dan. Colby was the only one at the table paying attention to my discourse as most of our adult relatives had only recently been weaned from a beer bottle – let alone wine. The adage “pearls before swines,” comes to mind.
I have decided that people up north do things differently. For instance, Frump Sister Trish decided to make a “six-foot” sandwich for lunch. Her daughter, Meredith, convinced that the bread was “less than 6 feet,” decided to measure it. Now, I had assumed she would have asked for a measuring tape, but instead she decided to crawl up on the table and compare the sandwich length to her 5′ 4″ body.
She proved her point, but it did seem like a somewhat unusual way to go about it.
Sadly, you can’t choose your relatives. Most of them are confident and self-assured, but there is always one who suffers from low self-esteem. Clearly, anyone who runs around in a “Boss” baseball cap is to be pitied – but not worth taking seriously. I tried to give him some “attitude” counseling, but I don’t think I was able to reach him. (Editor’s Note: To borrow a relevant joke from Maverick, “Langston was so homely as a child that his parents had to hang a bone around his neck for the dogs to play with him”). In any event, he has a dominant wife (clearly Pinson genes) and is unlikely to stray too far off the beaten track.
Even Pit Bull Nora felt sorry for Langston and gave him a lick to cheer him up. Of course, Langston had to put a little Taleggio cheese on his hand to encourage Nora to do so.
I am looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving again with our relatives. Corinne’s favorite memory was having a slumber party in sleeping bags with her cousins. When I explained that people down south actually sleep in sleeping bags rather than beds, Corinne insisted that we move south “soon.”
P.S. I am pleased to report that Leslie “Love My Family” Pinson managed to get to the airport at 6 a.m. for her 8:30 flight. Sadly, the scheduled flight was for 8:30 p.m. rather than 8:30 a.m.